WELCOME to my LIFE

[Kaylaya Sandra Miller]

Welcome to my life.

No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you.

[/blockquote]

Kaylaya Miller sat on her bed with her back against the wall. Simple Plan's song "Welcome To My Life" blasted out of her iHome speakers. The blonde girl's arms were wrapped around her knees, hugging them tightly to her chest. Her green eyes were distant, pain reflecting in them.

Kaylaya couldn't understand why Tony and Anne Marie had just a prejudice against her. What had she done to deserve their coldness? She couldn't think of anything she had done. There was the fact that she hadn't done anything. They could resent her for not trying to break down their walls. She definitely resented them for not letting her break down their walls. It wasn't easy for her to try to talk to anyone, but Tony and Anne Marie were impossible.

Kaylaya knew Tony and Anne Marie would be the easiest people to trust and open up to. They were family and they knew where she was coming from...sorta. But they were like a clique. A clique that didn't want anyone in. How could she even try to break down their walls if all she got were glares when she walked into a room? Didn't they know how hard it would be for her just to talk to them even if they weren't hostile toward her? If they wanted someone to break down their walls, they sure didn't show it. If Kaylaya couldn't even figure it out, how was anyone else supposed to? Besides, the two of them had each other. Kaylaya was alone. They shouldn't be complaining if they had each other and pushed away even the one person who could help her. She knew she needed them and was almost positive they needed her. They just didn't know it.

Notes:
Tage: tony miller

[center][img]http://img393.imageshack.us/img393/7647/kaylayah6.png[/img] [img]http://img393.imageshack.us/img393/7647/kaylayah6.png[/img]
[size=7][font=Edwardian Script ITC]Welcome to my life.[/font][/SIZE]
[blockquote][size=0]No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. [/size][/center]

[/blockquote][size=0][blockquote] [/blockquote][/size]

[center][size=0][b]Notes: [/b] [/size]
[size=0][b]Tage: [/b] tony miller[/size][/center]

[` tony miller]

one thing that tony absolutely hated was when his siblings would blast their terrible music in their rooms. have they not heard of headphones? and then the rest of the house was left to suffer with the horrible choice of tunes until the person was done listening to it. tony, on the other hand, knew how to use headphones and knew how to connect them to his ipod. apparently, the rest of his siblings didn't. groaning as he sat up in his bed, tony narrowed his eyes at the door. he had tried blocking the sound out for the longest time, but he had finally had enough of it. tony got up and walked out his door and towards kaylaya's room, the source of the loud music. he narrowed his eyes at her door, before banging on it. "some people appreciate the quiet once in a while, y'know!" he shouted, before shaking his head.

well, he was up now, thanks to the music of his oh so nice sister, kaylaya. he flipped his hair to the side of his face, before letting out a sigh as he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. he was basically getting tired of this whole 'sibling war' that was going on his the house, but he wasn't going to back down. everyone thought that it was all anne marie's and tony's fault for not 'letting people in' and stuff like that. when really, anne marie and tony thought the complete opposite. tony has had trust issues for the longest time, and when his siblings come to him and get pissy about not letting anyone in or not caring, tony wouldn't care. they were just being complete hypocrites in the case. when did they come home and ask him what was wrong when he wasn't talking to anyone? when did they yell at the people who were treating him like crap? when did they even act like they cared?

shaking his thoughts out of his head, tony opened the fridge and looked around, before grabbing a water bottle out and a apple. he closed the door, before walking to the counter and pulling himself up onto it, taking a bite out of his apple.

[Kaylaya Sandra Miller]

Welcome to my life.

No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you.

[/blockquote]

"It's about time..." Kaylaya muttered when her brother came into her room and yelled at her. She turned her iPod off and walked out of her room. She walked silently down the stairs and into the kitchen. She crossed her arms, but her look wasn't hostile. It was calm, and there was a hint of fear behind her eyes. "I'm sorry. Some of us are tired of the quiet," she murmured softy in an innocent tone.

Kaylaya eyed her brother as she leaned against the doorway to the kitchen. She racked her brain for the right words to say. She didn't want to get into an argument with her brother. All she wanted was to make him understand what he was doing to her and himself. "Why?" she asked softly, her green eyes afraid. "Why must you be so hostile to me when I'm probably the only person who will understand and know how to help. If you want to blame me for 'not trying' then I don't want to hear it. It takes all my courage to speak a couple sentences to anyone. You and Anne Marie should be easier, but you're not because you're a clique. It's just like High School in this house. I get hostile looks if I even look at either of you. Maybe it can't scare away a girl like Annabella, but it sure as heck will run me away. I need your help and I know you need mine. I'm not trying to pick a fight. Please don't yell at me. I just want to understand why. If I'm getting everything wrong then just tell me. I just want your help and to help you."

Notes:
Tage: tony miller

[` tony miller]

tony took another bite out of his apple, before looking over at kaylaya when she spoke. he was honestly getting really tired of this. he knew that he would end up saying something he didn't mean sooner or later. he took another bite out of his apple, before looking at kaylaya in disbelief. "are you serious right now? kaylaya, you and everyone else in this house don't understand anything about me. you might think you know everything, when really, you know absolutely nothing. help? you can't help me - you can't help us. all you're doing is making everything worse then it already is, so why don't you stop while you're ahead. a clique? are you high or something at the moment? we're not the clique in the family, it's the rest of you. anne marie is the only one who has actually been there for me, and she's the only one who's never worrying about you! all andrew cares about is you. he doesn't even notice when any other sibling is having problems, and annabella is frickin paranoid when you go out, thinking that you're going to commit suicide when you're by far the last person to even try in this household. i don't need anyone's help, especially not yours.

he shook his head. "why is it that anne marie and i are getting blamed for everything that goes on in this house between the kids? do you all honestly expect us to open up to you after sixteen years of you guys not being there for us? she knows me the most out of everyone in this house because she's the only one who actually tried, instead of just assuming that i'd be best friends with them because we're related. you all are just being hypocrites at this point! you expect us to get to know you and open up, but why should we do it when you guys don't even bother?" tony sighed. "if you didn't want to start a fight, then you shouldn't of said anything."

[Kaylaya Sandra Miller]

Welcome to my life.

No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you.

[/blockquote]

Kaylaya couldn't even believe her brother. "Are you that d*** blind? Do you take me for some normal teenage girl? You think I'm just going to try to get to know you or something? I'm not like that. If you'd open your eyes, you'd see that. You don't know anything about me. I haven't fully trusted a single person since I was a young child. I haven't had a real friend since I was a young child. I'm too afraid of having them break my heart.

If you think the rest of the family is the clique, you really are insane. I don't get along with them. Maybe it doesn't look that way since I don't go yelling at them. I give Annabella break. I know she's trying to help. She's a silly fifteen-year-old girl who is devoid of attention because the middle children aren't normal. But it's not like I'm friends with her or anything. I'm not even on speaking terms with her at the moment because she went over the line by bringing me into her stupid argument she started with you. Not that I was on much of speaking terms to start with anyway. She likes to bug me or whatever and I mostly just ignore her. I don't usually freak out and yell at her like you, but it's not like I'm all buddy buddy with her like you are with Anne Marie. Get it?

"Then Andrew...do you know how many fights Annabella has told me he's gotten into because of you, Anne Marie, and me? It's not just me he cares about, smarty." She shook her head. "The bottom line is that there is no 'us' when it comes to the rest of the family and me. I'm me. Annabella, Andrew, Mom, and Dad are a they, and you and Anne Marie are a they. I can't believe you'd group me with them. I no more belong with them as you do. There are no thoughts that are universal between them and me. Maybe they all think you and Anne Marie cause all the problems in the house or whatever, but I don't. I'm not a part of them. I'm just me."


Kaylaya looked at her brother. She tried to calm herself down. She hadn't wanted to start yelling at him. More calmly, she started speaking again, "Suicide? Tony, every day I think about it. Think is the key word. You were right in telling Annabella I wouldn't do it. At least not in this immediate future. I wouldn't because of Mom and Dad. I know they love me and...that's enough...for now. Someday that won't be enough. If I don't find a real meaning to my life before then...well then I guess that'll be my end." She sighed and looked away. "I'd give anything to be in your place," she declared. Her head was turned so her brother couldn't see her face or the tear that slipped down her cheek. "Because the only real important difference between you and me is that you have Anne Marie and I have no one. One person could determine if I live or die. I just want one. My life can be a living hell, but I know I can make it through it all if I have one person who is there for me."

Kaylaya sighed and looked at her brother. "I'm not the victimize here. Did you ever stop for a second to think maybe there's more than two victims in this house? You can't blame me for anything Annabella or Andrew do. And you can't blame me for not trying to break down your walls or whatever. I can't do that until someone breaks down mine. I understand why you're mad at Annabella and Andrew even if I think you should give them a break, but that's your pejorative. I still don't understand why you have a problem with me. How can the girl who's hidden alone in her room for almost her entire life be deserving of hatred? If somehow I have done something that you would be justified in being mad at me for, then I'm sorry.

Believe it or not, but we aren't that different. You've never looked at me through open eyes, so you can't say I'm wrong."

Notes:
Tag: tony miller

[` tony miller]

tony narrowed his eyes at his sister. "then what do you take me for? do you think that i'm just going to try and get to know you? i'm not like that, and i've never been. if i wanted to get to know you, then i already would of. you don't know anything about me either, yet you assume that we're 'so alike', when we're completely different. the only person that i've ever trusted in my whole life is anne marie, because she's the one who's always been there for me when everyone else walked away.

maybe i am insane then. it's all of you against anne marie and i, just because you all won't leave us alone when it comes to getting to know you. have you ever thought that maybe we don't want to even know you? have you ever thought that we're too scared to try? like i said, you guys just assume that we're all gonna be 'best friends forever' because we're family, but it's not like that. how can you be friends with someone who doesn't even know anything about you, or when they've never been there for you?

but you guys are a clique, even if you don't notice it. the whole d**n family only worries about you. do you know how that makes me, or even anne marie feel? when anne marie broke up with her boyfriend, she was crying her eyes out, but do you think that any of you cared? no, they were just worried about what was going on in your life. they're all too paranoid about you to even realize what we're going through! we're against everyone in this house because they don't understand anything when they think they do. do you know why anne marie acts the way she does? it's because she wants some attention once in awhile, because she never, ever gets any. mom and dad are more focused on you guys to ever care."

tony shook his head, looking away from his sister. "the difference between you and i is that i've actually tried committing suicide. kaylaya, you don't want to be me. you wouldn't even want to be me for a day if you know what i go through. i've tried committing suicide 4 times now. the last time i tried, dad sent me to uncle *insert jay's brother that i forgot*'s house for a month in the summer, thinking that anne marie was getting to my head and changing me. when really, she was the only one who noticed and tried to stop me. now every frickin saturday, i have to go to a therapist because they think i have a problem. i don't have a problem, i just can't stand my life and everyone in it."

tony frowned as he stared down at the floor, listening to his sister, before he looked up at her. "and do you really think that i'm going to break down yours? if you're looking for a friend out of this, then you're arguing with the wrong person. why i have a problem with you? kaylaya, i don't have a problem with you, i'm just tired of you and everyone else getting the special treatment when you don't deserve it!"

[Kaylaya Sandra Miller]

Welcome to my life.

No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you.

[/blockquote]

Kaylaya took a deep breath before answering her brother. "Look, I'm sorry about what the rest of the family has done. But that's not my fault. It sounds like you're just blaming me for what they've done. Even if it's related to me, it's not my fault. You really have got to stop yelling at me about it and go yell at Mom and Dad or something. That might change something. Making me upset won't, because it's not anything I can control.

And like I said, me and them are not an us or we or anything. There's not we so we can't be a clique. You can call them a clique all you want, but don't you dare include me in it. I wouldn't be in this state if I belonged to any we in the universe. It's just me.

Since when have I ever bugged you about getting to know me? This is the first time I've ever mentioned anything about it. I know better than to just ask you to open up to me since I know I'm not about to. I didn't say I expected you to just open up to me. I just want you to give me a chance. All I get is hostility if I even look at you or Anne Maire. That's what I have a problem with. I didn't do anything, so you and Anne Marie have no right to treat me the way you do. It makes me feel even more like a worthless piece of trash. If you'd just stop acting like I'm the one to blame for all your problems, I could try. As scared as I am, I'll try, because I believe you're the last person who would throw my heart on the ground. Not that I still don't think you would...no offense...but I'm too desperate to be saved to care that much."

Kaylaya wrapped her arms around her middle as she thought about her brother attempting suicide. "I'm sorry. At least you have someone who would stop you. It's more than I've got. I'd still take your life any day. If it's got someone who cares and understands, then it's better than this," she murmured as she finally looked back at her brother.

Notes:
Tage: tony miller

[` tony miller]

skye is stupid and edited this post with her new post by accident, so she'll fix it later.

[Kaylaya Sandra Miller]

Welcome to my life.

No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you.

[/blockquote]

Kaylaya blinked and shook her head. "Are you blind, Tony? You think I'm going to talk to just talk to you? And because I don't I'm just like them? Give me a break. That's just like me getting mad at you for never talking to me. You're acting like I'm like them. Like I'm just a carefree girl who isn't afraid of getting her heart torn in two. I'm not, Tony. Get that through your head. I don't talk to anybody practically. Sometimes I do to Annabella if she won't stop bugging me or something, but that's it. So why would you be so special as to get my attention? Do you see my saying hello to anybody in this house? Why would I just come out of my fearful shell and talk to you when you scare me almost as much as the rest of the world? Seriously. Please explain to me why you think like this. Are you so blind as to think I'm just like your average girl who is at fault if she doesn't try to help someone like you? Earth to Tony! I'm the girl who needs the help. How can break down your walls if no one has broken down mine.

I'm not a part of them. Don't you dare say that again. I'd kill to be a part of them. It would be wonderful to be a part of them . If I don't get the perks of being a part of them, why should I be blamed for "being a part of them". That makes no sense. There are three groups in this house Tony. There's you and Anne Marie. Then there's me. Then there's everyone else.

I just want you to be civil toward me. I want you to realize I am not at fault here and haven't done anything to hurt you. You haven't tried to talk to me ever just like I haven't tried to talk to you. How is that different? If I deserve cold looks from you, then you deserve them from me. How is it any different if you never try to speak to me as if I don't? There is none. I need help just as much as you do.

Do you want their attention? You can have it? If I had a choice I'd make them all concentrate on you. It doesn't help me. How does a family who says they care but doesn't really try to break down my walls help me? And you're not fooling anybody about this whole no one cares about you thing. They'd all care if you were gone. I'd care.

Did you ever think maybe Annabella would try more if you and Anne Marie weren't so threatening? She's only fifteen. Did you expect her as a child to try to break down your walls? That makes no sense. Until someone becomes a teenager can they understand things like this. But by the time she's become able to understand, you hate everyone in this family, so she's afraid of you guys and your deathly looks. Maybe she pays more attention to me because I don't look or act like I'm gonna bite her head off.

And, no, they wouldn't notice, Mister I Know Everything About Everyone In This House. So, Annabella notices if I spend a total of like an hour home within a span of a week. Anyone with eyes can figure that out. Hints that someone is going under are way more subtle than that. No one is close enough to me to be able to tell if I was about to do something like that.

Notes:
Tage: tony miller

[` tony miller]

tony rolled his eyes. "well, if you're looking for a friend out of this, then you might as well try, cause you're doing a horrible job at that. isn't that why you started talking to me in the first place anyways? cause you want to be friends? how can you be friends with someone when you don't even try - how can you be friends with someone when you've never been there for them? once again, you just expect that if you say something about it, then we'll become the best of friends and all our problems between us will go away, but they won't. as much as you try, they'll always be there.

you are apart of them, even if you want to believe that you aren't. it's like a d**n war going on in this house, kaylaya, and you're not on our side so you're on theirs with all of them. and why should i act civil towards someone when they don't deserve it, huh? you may think that you haven't done anything to actually hurt me, but you have. it might not be physical hurting, but it is mental. do you know how it makes me feel when i come home and not one single person says hello to me or even asks how my day went? but then little princess kaylaya walks in the door and she's serenaded by the family. do you really know how that makes me feel, or even anne marie? you're the lucky one in the house, even if you think you're like if horrible. everyone cares about you? anne marie and i? not so much.

i never said i wanted their attention, it would just be nice to be recognized for the things we do instead of them running to you every second. they don't notice anything that we ever do." tony rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair. "yeah, you probably are high at the moment.." answering his own question from a few minutes before. "if i died right now, do you honestly think that anyone would care? if anne marie and i got into a car accident this second, most of you would probably be happy that the 'problem childs' are out of your way. don't even try to pull that with me, kaylaya. threatening? how the hell are we threatening? because we don't want anything to do with any of you, does that make us threatening? i didn't expect her to, but i give her the props for actually trying.

are you kidding me? everyone would notice. if you're going to pull that, then don't even bother. you're not fooling everyone. they all freak out when you're gone for an hour. like i said before, annabella was worrying that you were going to commit suicide, and you weren't even gone for that long. everyone notices every single thing about you." tony shook his head as he looked at his sister. "if you want to go make friends, then the front door is a few feet away. you're not going to make any in this kitchen, so don't bother." he jumped off the counter, took another bite out of his apple, then grabbed his water bottle. "i'm done." tony took yet another bite out of his apple, before walking past kaylaya towards the stairs.

[Kaylaya Sandra Miller]

Welcome to my life.

No you don't know what it's like to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you.

[/blockquote]

Kaylaya wanted to tear her hair out. She followed her brother. "I can't control them. It's not my fault the stupid things they do. I don't ask them to pay attention to me and I don't want it. They just make things worse half the time. Take my life. Take their affection. Take whatever you want. I don't want it. I'd rather jump off a cliff. I'd rather have someone to confide in. And the entire day is not long to you? I've been avoiding this house like the plague this past week, FYI. She has right to be worried.

I didn't expect you to welcome me with open arms. I'm not stupid. I just wanted to make things right. I wanted you to see that I'm not the villain here, so I can actually try to open up to you of whatever." Her phone rang and she cursed. She took it out of her pocket and tried not to let the words of the text affect the expression on her face. She looked at her brother. "I tried making things right with you, but you don't want to, so you can't complain about me not trying to open up to you since I can't until we make things right between us."

Kaylaya turned away from her brother and looked back at her phone. A small groan escaped her lips. She wanted to throw the phone across the room. Wanted to, but knew it was a lot better not to. She glared at her phone and couldn't help but think how alike she really was to her mother. The only thing was, she wasn't as strong as her mother. The blonde girl walked away from her brother and toward the front door. Those knives in the kitchen really sounded good to her at the moment. It beat going to another afternoon of pain because of one of her secrets.

Notes:
Tag: tony miller